Thursday, July 1, 2010

A moment in the field I will never forget....the next time I am asked what I do....grab a kleenex


Paper thin, appears to be loosely held together but their is hope in the background....For this blog entry I title it "WRITING ON THE WALL"...


True definition, resolution returns and colors solid as integrity is returned....and take a peek at the horses before continuing to read...

I have been in the psychiatric nursing field for 17+ years and yesterday was the 2nd hardest workday of my life.  The next time someone asks me what I do referring to a career, this will be my picture in my mind....

We teach in the field that journaling is a healthy coping mechanism for processing grief, this is my entry....

As I parked the truck near a rustic corral of rugged tree poles, I was greeted by a therapist assistant.  "There is something very sad happening along the fence so I am warning you.  A horse has died and another is close."  I began to take the long way around in hopes of not seeing the suffering and then I did and it continued for 2 hours and I was ok letting the teenage boys know why I had moments of tears in their physicals.  My assistant quickly thought to go to the truck and give the black and white paint horse her apple and a liter of water then called out on the sat phone to get rescues alerted.  And then I spent time with the boys and the horse in full vision and at times in the corner of my eye.  He was skin and bones, legs trembling as they held him up under the shade of the tree and eyes looked tired with goo.  He would rest and then he would walk to our truck then back to us in the shade.  He had a brand and was domesticated.  It was a quiet reminder of the horses and their loved owners that could not feed them in the time of this economy and how many were shot or abandoned so that children could be fed or the a hot water bill met.....

As I struggled last night driving home in the dusk I prayed to God and this is what he whispered to me. 

Em, the students and clients and their families are this horse.  Children wastiing on drugs, driving drunk, selling drugs amidst gunfire and eyes glossed by hours of computer games.   They are surrounded by resources of love and strength but are unable to see because of being so lost in the wilderness of darkness of life. You are part of a community that offers the apples, the water and one day the sobriety and strength of the return of the little toddler who parents cried when he took his first steps, kindergarten graduation, soccer games and bedtime stories. 

And then I remembered the text I got from a field staff this morning. 
"Just heard Lady Gaga sing "BOYS BOYS BOYS" and thought of you singing with Joe in the field during his physical."  I laughed as she told me how she misses Entrada.

And that is what I do for a career......

10 comments:

Sew Pretty Dresses said...

I am all teary with you. Like I said before you are an angel to your patients and to all of those you touch with your words and kindness. Hugs girl!

Judi said...

Wow just a huge Thank You for being the light in the world to those boys. You are such a special person. You blessed those boys letting them see your tears.

Sandra Henderson said...

It's important for others to see you cry... To know that you can be soooo strong, as you are the strongest woman I know!~ and yet have emotions and hurt and care. It validates their own emotions I'm sure, so don't feel bad about it. Embrace it Em. Through your tears, God was showing his love.
SO sad about the horses and the hurt and hardships. I can see that life there in the vastness of it all can be cruel. I worry about you, but know that you wil be held in God's palm and carried as you do His work. Bless you . Thank you for sharing this with us...

Janet said...

Em, I work as a probation officer and have many clients with mental health problems as well as lots of other life issues. I think I understand. God bless you.

Tara said...

Em - thanks for sharing your courage, your spirit and your thoughts! May we all listen to those whispers that lead and direct us to help others and forget about ourselves...Love you!

Blogless me said...

I've always wondered in how far people like doctors, nurses, psychologists and the like, manage to distance themselves from their professional emotional life when back in the "home" setting. I would find it emotionally very difficult to do, though my mind tells me it's imperative to be able to do it.
I would have thought stories like this were possible maybe during the great depression, or in a third world country ... it seems unthinkable in a developed country. Then I remember the sights we saw when driving through some god forgotten parts of utah and Arizona years ago.

Bri!!! said...

Oh Em, what a beautiful post. I would have been a mess. So so sad.

Duff said...

I'm glad you listened when God spoke: When He told you to live life to the fullest, love compassionately, and give of yourself through your work--the world needs you; the world needs to see that there are angels on earth♥
Luv u

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Anonymous said...

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